Fear. An emotion we all experience at one point or another. Whether it be fear of spiders, snakes and other terrible animals or fear of commitment, disappointment or the unknown, we all experience it.
Fear can be a crippling emotion. Some of the most important decisions in life end up being driven by fear instead of being driven by passion. "I am scared of what will happen if I take this next step, so I am going to go an easier way around."
Lately I have been looking around at the people around me, specifically those in relationships and/or married. There is something about them that gives me so much hope and joy. They don't even know they're doing it, but I am hopeful because I know one day God will put me on a path where I can experience what they are experiencing. At least that is what I am praying for.
What these people don't know is how scared I am to take the risk, the step, the leap of faith to get to their level of joy.
I know that being in a committed relationship, specifically a God centered committed relationship, is incredibly tough, but fulfilling and joyous at the same time. I don't know this through experience, however, I know it through the stories I've been told by the people around me.
I'm not necessarily scared of rejection, but I am more afraid of the unknown. I am afraid that I will not be able to be the man and leader I need to be. I am afraid that I will not be able to see the path God wants me on. I am afraid that when I mess it up (because I know I will) God will not be there to help me when I fall. It's a place I don't enjoy being, but is the reality of where life is right now. Right now I am being crippled by fear instead of being lead by passion. When the reality is, I should not be afraid to fall. I should be bolstered by the knowledge that my God will be there to pick me up.
We are not designed to be guided through life on a path paved with answers. We are designed to fight through the jungle and over the mountains in our lives knowing we can never truly fail. We will be helped when we can recognize we need it. We may fall away from the path but we will always be caught.
Deuteronomy 31:6-8 says: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Then Moses called Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Israel, "Be strong and of good courage, for you must go with this people to the land which the Lord has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall cause them to inherit it. And the Lord, He is the the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed""
The above verse should be enough for any of us to be strong enough to take a step into the unknown and not worry about what will happen...but that just is not the case sometimes. I wonder why it is so hard to not be afraid. How was it so easy for Joshua to accept his new role for the Lord? Why is it so hard to have that kind of faith. I look around at all the God centered relationships I see and I know that at some point, both people had to make a choice to not fear and recognize God is with them and will not let them fall. It is comforting to know that I need not be afraid for the Lord is with me.
To bring this back to some kind of conclusion...I am scared. I am scared of commitment, the unknown and my ability to be a Godly leader in a relationship. I think it is natural to be scared, I think it is something that every man needs to go through in his walk with God. While I am scared, I am also encouraged. I am excited to find out what God has in store for me. I continue to pray that God be with me, I pray that he will help me to gain strength and take that next step. Fear is something we all experience, but is not something anyone should be driven by. It is a passionate pursuit of the Lord which will help us get through the fear present in our life and turn it around to produce a Godly Fulfilling relationship
I leave you all with this: "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain." - John 12:24
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